DYING

I am still dying and this just feels so good.
Should I laugh?
Should I cry?
Should I want to die?
My eyes only blurry yellow see.
Only the yellow blurry of paranoia
Paranoia?
Reality?
Dying?
Surely unsecured
Saved by a word
By many words
By a sentence
By a song
A poem?
No
No poem
A story that is untrue
Untold
Undeveloped
My heart beating will not stop
My cold hands will turn hot
And yellow
Again
And disappear in the dark
And reappear in your eyes
Because you only see me
When I am not here
and when I am here
you destroy me
and now I keep dying
and laughing
or crying.
I’ve gone fat
See?
Full of worries and drugs
And poems
And songs
And some friends
That perhaps understand
But I am sure they don’t.
And I scream
But the voice is not strong
But not weak
It’s where you want it to be.
It left me
No voice
I cry
And die
And move my hands
Upward
And forward
And upward
And forward
And upward
And forward
Am I high?
Yeah, on life.
On vegetables and dreams
On love and more love
And more love
And more love
Because even if I wanted
This is what I can’t control
Love
Love
Love
Love
I keep dying
and going nowhere
because nowhere is where I go
and you keep not understanding
that I am yours
completely yours
veins
blood
beating
fast
I keep dying
Dying
And closing
And this is all I can give
And that makes me
Me
And you
And green
I keep dying
No
Don’t rescue me.