Morning Battle

My left eye opened, following the unconscious movement of the right one. I could sense the acid from the pillow, the sour of my dreams, the sweetness of the morning. They were all different, but the same.I then hear your thought trying to reach me, I listen to my happiness carefully, it calls for your name. While my head tilts forward, time stops, the vivid green walls now scream, they scream my name. But my name it is not, it is not about the melody of its sound, not about the letters that comprise it, not about the simplest meaning of the me it embodies. It’s just about a name, like any other, like any other you could’ve said. Green walls no more; Esperanza no more. No hope for the clarity of my actions, no hope for you seeing me as I am, as I have always been.
No connection.
No hope.
No esperanza.
No future. Only a present that has already vanished, only this second in which I think about your thought, only this instant in which you are not mine anymore. Everything could only be part of a disillusion that you initiated. How can you be so fragile and yet so strong?
How can you think and not think and make me think of your thoughts. How can you not know that I exist? Only if that morning would’ve been real, like every other, you would’ve gotten to feel like I felt. But you weren’t thinking, you weren’t thinking of my thoughts like I was.
The walls turned metallic against my face, against my heart. I cannot feel anymore, so I ran. Did you stop me? Did you think about my thoughts?
No thoughts.
No feeling.
No looking after.
No transparency.
No mirror.
No will.
No hope.
No esperanza.
Why didn’t I ask for more? I ran. Why didn’t I tell you that I could be yours forever? I ran. Why didn’t I open my eyes to the morning that was ours at the moment? I ran. Why didn’t I tell you that I loved you? I left. I escaped and you opened the walls to let me go.
No words.
No lyrics.
No sense.
No destination.
No esperanza.
My head shivers to your indifference. Can you look at me? How is it that everything is lost after building up to so much? Where’s that song that I took as mine? Where is that poem that I helped you embrace? Where is life without you? Where am I without life? Only a moment, only that instant in which I ceased being yours, only that morning that you refused to believe, only a piece of time that ran away with me. I gave you my thoughts, but you never received them. I gave you myself; I gave you life; I gave you the moon painted in black, I gave you a present, I gave you this instant in which I write, I gave you a word, a song, an eye. I gave you my lips so that you could sing; I gave you a smile after a look; I gave you a silent secret, then you blushed. I gave you more than I could give; I gave you my opened arms, my chest, my sense. I gave you a morning wrapped in me; I gave you my sound, my tone, my voice. The walls turned blue. My life turned into hue, my path no more.
No me.
No us.
No moon loving you.
No tree.
No green.
No streets to be free.
No luck.
No trust.
No air.
No hope.
No will.
Esperanza no more.